This Double-Edged Blade
by nocturnepoet
Summary: Haruki went along with it the first time Isuke offered, but she didn't expect the feelings to come clawing back after she'd managed to destroy her chances, but they wouldn't stay down. It made her sick, what they were doing- but her voice would never carry the strength to convey the end. Isuke is slowly drowning in her own poison. It all backfired, now they're both writhing inside.
1. The Beginning

It started after the first attempt. Inukai slammed the door hard behind her, I'd been listening to music on my bed, but the noise had me sitting up with a start, pulling the headphones from my ears.

"Someone's angry…"

"Shut up."

"What happened?"

"That little brat." The words seething, a strong kick sent a chair flying.

She paced angrily, I stood, putting my hands on her shoulders to cease the movement. "Quit banging shit around like a pouting toddler and answer me."

"Azuma interfered!" It came out as a huff.

A smirk crept onto my face as my arms fell to my side, "So, you're just a sore loser?"

" _Shut up!"_

"And if I don't?"

A flash of challenge arose in her eyes before her eyebrows lifted, seemingly with an idea.

A small, cocky grin of mischief grew in place of what was a frown. And as quickly as I could comprehend that I'd triggered something, Isuke pushed me backwards onto my mattress, sitting on top of me. I stuttered, " _What the hell-"_

She leaned over me, attacking my lips. I tried to push her off, but her insane leg power kept her rooted. I didn't know what to feel or think. "The fuck are you doing, Inukai!"

She eyed her pink fingernails as if they were interesting, answering in a bored manner. "I want sex."

 _Way to be blunt_. "It doesn't have to be with me!"

"It's a matter of circumstantial availability. You're conveniently here, somewhat attractive, and I'm horny."

I propped my torso up with my elbows. "That's it?"

She rolled her eyes, "I'm offering a one time opportunity for hate sex. Do you want to fuck or not?"

A sigh of defeat escaped, "Whatever."

I kept my face calm despite my own thoughts. This spoiled little girl has not known struggle in years, it was a fact that made me bitter, but I hid the sour taste her tongue left in my mouth by gripping her hips & flipping us. I dedicated my attention to my own desires, for once, I wanted to be selfish like her. My hands worked on tossing my clothes to the side, Isuke did the same.

We didn't give room to argue, instead as soon as the barriers between us were gone, we devoured each other. I went for her neck, sucking on her skin, she pushed my pelvis down against her, grinding into me. My mouth worked its way to her breasts, I bit down on her pert nipple just enough to be painful and pleasurable at the same time, a gasp only encouraged me.

It was a hair pulling, borderline sadistic, demeaning involvement. Neither of us came. It almost seemed a form of debate, our bodies unsatisfied and frustrated. Eventually our hands had nothing left to say. We would be bruised, bitten, and covered in hickeys, but the pain was solidified outside ourselves. That's something we both needed.

 _We weren't lovers. We were strangers filled with angst & resentment._

After a what seemed like hours, we'd ground to a halt. Isuke on top of me, not looking at me but at the wall, I was counting the ceiling tiles trying to block out my own self-reproach. I guess she didn't have as difficult a time when it came to moving on because it was ten minutes before she left me to my thoughts, retreating to the bathroom.

 _Why did I go along with that?_

It was a night we pretended never happened for weeks afterward. But it was always in the back of my mind, always in the way we avoided each other's gazes. Then my sister called.

" _Haruki, mom got worse. She's in the ICU, you need to come home."_ _ **I can't**_ _._

 _Is this karma?_ The weight of all the people I had murdered slammed into me. _It doesn't hurt…after everything I've done…why can't I feel anything?_

I want to experience guilt, pity, grief, rage. The last time I did was… _with Inukai._

And suddenly, a switch flipped somewhere in me.

I waited until knob turned. Isuke's eyebrow raised at me. She could tell I was anticipating her.

The lock clicked into place, but I'd already jumped up, lust blocking out rational thought. Isuke's back slammed against the door, my body pressed against hers as our lips crashed together, teeth bumping. Pain registered as I was yanked back by my hair just enough to separate us.

She scowled at me, "I said _once_."

My scalp was on fire, despite it, I didn't flinch or struggle. This is what you wanted Haruki. "In your words, do you want to fuck or not?" _You wanted someone to tell you what to do, to be brutally honest, maddeningly self-consumed. This way you don't have to pretend._

 _I don't have the answers. I'm not working part time to put that food on the table. I hate myself. Isuke is my counterpart. And she has all the money she'd ever need on top of it._

"I'll do anything you wish." "Really?" " **Yes**."

"Go down on me then." A glimmer of whimsy covered most of the inquisition. Not enough though. Inukai released me from her death grip. I kissed her roughly, unzipping her leather top for access.

I caressed her breast just long enough to tease before sliding down her pale, flat stomach, stopping at her purple patterned skirt. I dropped to my knees, moving to get rid of those ridiculously long boots. My teeth sunk into her porcelain thigh enough to draw blood, the metallic tang diluting the taste of her skin. My hands retreated under the fabric of her uniform, only leaving with the slightly older woman's thong, a shade to match her hair, one lost somewhere between cotton candy and hot pink.

"Put your leg over my shoulder." I moved closer to her, my eyes level with her adorable naval. _Adorable_?

Inukai didn't move so I did it for her, Isuke wasn't that heavy. Bracing her against the wall, I dove under the cotton hem, dragging my tongue across her clit. The moans that erupted were encouraging as I switched between tracing patterns into her skin.

Her hands searched for something to grab, only finding my head. That's when the scary ideas began.

 _Instead of fistfuls of locks, her fingers would be trailing the strands gingerly, and she would call me by my first name, begging to make it last. To never let it end, because in the morning we'd be far apart again._

 _Why do I have to like this so much?_

Isuke's hands pushed me closer to her, I lapped her walls, feeling for that special spot. " _Sagae_ , oh," a gasp, _"Shit!"_ _ **Found**_ _ **it.**_ I focused my assault.

Her hips rolled, pushing me deeper, her body started to convulse lightly, as if she were a shook up can of soda, pressurized and about to explode. I pulled back.

A whimper stirred something within me, Isuke didn't _need_ me to get off, but she did _want_ me. "What the fuck are you doing?" The words came between pants for air.

I moved her to the small table in the middle of the room, setting her bare ass on top. "Command me, _princess."_

Inukai likes to run things. That's fine by me, for once I don't have be the one making all the decisions.

For a second, Isuke seemed…flustered, _almost._ It was something of a surprise to me, but I suddenly felt that I wasn't meant to see it, that if I dwelt on it, I'd regret it. Then her cockiness resurfaced, covering up the speck of vulnerability.

 _I wish I hadn't seen it._

"Finish what you started!"

I parted her legs, stepping between them. Her small black hairs were lasered to a strip. _"Cute,"_ a chuckle escaped my grasp earning a kick to the shin. "Ow!"

Her patience was waning, "Don't gawk, snap to it if you ever want to do this again."

I pulled her hips forward, my left hand playing with her breast, the right reaching between us, my mouth went to work marking her collarbone. "Touch me." I responded like a well trained pup, my fingers curling inside her. She moved in rhythm with me, gripping the back of my shirt.

"Suc-," Not waiting for her to complete the demand, I already had her nipple rolling between my lips, "Ah, _fuck!"_ I suppressed my smugness, quietly reprimanding my actions.

 _You're using each other. That's all this is and you shouldn't be proud of it._

She fell against the wood, unable to hold herself up anymore. "If you stop now," a breath was sucked in, "I _will_ _ **kill**_ _you_."

My knuckle must've brushed something good because Isuke's back arched, eyes dazed, a loud moan ringing out, I did it again, her legs wrapped around my waist, the table rocked with us. I tasted sweat on her jawline as I kissed it. My heart felt like it contracted and time stopped there, just like that.

Her body craving mine, hair slightly matted, skin glistening, clothes tousled and half off, eyes shut, in pure ecstasy.

 _This narcissistic pink haired sadist can be really breathtaking._

She yelled out, "Oh, god!" Fluid washed over my palm signaling her orgasm, I slowed my pace, not in a hurry. After some recovery time, she propped herself onto her elbows, sight cloudy, looking at me as if there was something she wanted to say, but decided otherwise, changing whatever it was to, "Your turn, huh."

Her slender, manicured hands started fiddling with the buttons on my uniform…but now…I almost felt _sick._ I couldn't look at her. "No, stop."

"I'm not so pathetic as not to reward y-"

I grabbed her wrists gently. _"It's okay._ Just stop. I'm not really feeling it." _A lie. Of course I lied._ Stepping back, I couldn't meet her expression.

 _Shame_. That was the word for it. I thought it wouldn't matter. That it wouldn't bother me as much because it's Inukai. I should've learned the first time because suddenly, there was another reason I didn't want to risk going further.

I didn't want to stop. I wanted to say, " _You look stunning like this & I'm afraid to let myself feel anything positive towards you_."


	2. Dusk Til' Dawn, Confusion Lying Alone

**3rd OMNI POV**

 _Why did Sagae leave?_

Isuke racked her mind for the faintest clue, but it was so odd to her that she couldn't comprehend a reason. _Haruki jumped me. Then all of a sudden decides to run off afterwards. What was the fucking point then? Why do all the work if you're not getting anything out of it?_ She lay in the private bathroom tub, not entirely sure what she should do. _It's not like we're friends. We aren't even really fuck buddies per say._

Steam filled the room, Isuke sunk lower in the hot water, hoping to relax & think up a plan to kill Ichinose Haru, but the Haruki incident was too fresh to ignore.

 _The first time wasn't even that good. We just used each other to vent aggression, I had to hide bruises and hickeys for three weeks!_ However her swollen nipples and lingering arousal didn't allow her to lie to herself quite as well. _This time was the complete opposite._

Sagae kept checking doors, wiggling handles to see whether they were locked or not. Eventually she found one, it was to a storage room near the gymnasium. It was fairly in order, lockers filled with sports equipment and class supplies, she lay on a stack of safety mats as a makeshift bed. At least for tonight, she would stay here.

She wanted to disappear. She wanted to erase everything that occurred after Isuke walked in. Haruki wasn't sure what exactly she noticed, but she wished she hadn't. She wanted to go back to just plain hating the older woman, but somehow, she knew it was too late for such a luxury.

 _I've never done that. I've never wanted to be abused so badly. Never been so overcome with lust that it didn't matter who it was with or why. I've never, not once, ever seen anyone the way I saw her in that moment. I've been with guys before, but that wasn't anything like my time with her. I've never cared about sex. It was just a distraction. I've never had a weak stomach about it before._

She wanted to forget it all, but the desperate throbbing and uncomfortable mess in the briefs she wore reminded her all to well that this was indeed happening and that she didn't run away simply because she wasn't turned on, if anything she was only even hornier now, all alone, in a dusty ass closet recalling how hot Isuke's breath on her neck was or the way she knew what she wanted, and the fire in her eyes spread through to Haruki.

 _I simply want to burn up with her._

Morning showed up too quickly for Haruki & too slowly for Isuke. Class had started without the pocky loving redhead, but in the hopes that the latter attended, the former snuck back to the dorm room to get ready. As soon as she opened the door it felt like a punch in the gut to face that table again.

After being late, the rest of that day was spent avoiding confrontation. Despite everything, Inukai pretended not to notice, Sagae felt another pang of misery at that.

 _Why does this hurt so much?_

That was the first day Haruki realized just how distracting a person can be. Isuke slept through the first half of Mizorogi's lectures. _Her expression is serene, relaxed, for once, devoid of negativity; lips refracting sunlight in a way that makes me want to touch them just to double check that she's real, the soft even breathing nothing like the raspy erratic pants made with me between her thighs._

No matter how much her silent sneaking glances tried, they failed to satiate her. At lunch, Inukai stepped out to take a call. _She's never smiled that way here before. I want that smile for myself._ The more time went on in the limbo state, the more little things changed and the more Sagae thought about her, the more everything evolved exponentially. Less and less time went into the _why_ she felt that way as more went into _feeling_ that way.


	3. This Is All You Get

**Haruki Sagae POV**

Class ended, but neither of us left. After the halls had cleared, Isuke walked over with purpose, heels clicking on the linoleum until she stopped in front of me, leaning against a desk. "What?" I murmured.

"What the hell happened last night?"

"The mood changed."

Isuke's face twisted into sneer, "The mood _didn't_ change. You ran away."

My face stayed calm. "I didn't feel comfortable continuing."

The silence that lingered in the air between us was thick with confusion, envy, and irritation. I let it hang. My lips tingled, fingers twitching when I was reminded of the more exciting half of the late hours after sunset. _Her make up is hastily applied. Perhaps her sleep wasn't so perfect._

"Stop avoiding," her hand on her hip. _God, her hips._ I wanted to touch her again, but instead I bit the inside of my cheek. "It's a simple question, idiot!" Her manicured pink nail flicked my forehead making me grimace.

"Why does it matter!?"

"Because you're too good at it to be a virgin and you're hiding the reason!" _Wait, what..?_

I shook off my momentary surprise when an idea of how to respond to all the thoughts and feelings I'd had appropriately jumped out of my jumbled brain. I sighed, "Inukai, why do you care? What are you in this for? Me or the sex?"

It took a moment before she met my eyes, flipping her hair over her shoulder, "…Sex." It hurt to hear, my lungs burned from holding my breath. The only solace I could find in the situation was her hesitation.

" _Okay_." I nodded. "Fine. I can do that." Isuke smirked in a way that made me want to knock her out. But it disappeared as soon as she realized I wasn't done quite yet, "Under two conditions. No kissing on the lips and you don't touch me in a sexually stimulating way."

"Fine." She laughed, waving my terms away as if they were whimsical. "I don't see a problem in only ever receiving. My nails are too expensive to ruin anyway."

"Then I guess our arrangement starts here." I rose, setting Inukai on the desk she'd been leaning against. I reached under her skirt, my mouth setting to work on marking her, determined to blemish that flawless image she was so proud to see in the mirror.

I pulled back to admire the forming discoloration I just so happened to place as high up on her neck as I could. One palm moved her leg, palm flat on her inner thigh, the other slipping past her panties, rubbing in a circular motion.

" _Sagae_ …" Isuke worked to unzip her jacket, pushing her tube top and bra up.

 _Fine. This is all we are then. Don't let her see these emotions. She'll just mock you anyways. Just follow her commands. Don't think, Haruki. Don't run, don't flinch._ _ **Don't get stuck.**_

I wanted to kiss her, but that's exactly why I made it off limits. Instead my tongue raked over her exposed chest, gravitating towards her peach colored nipple.

 _She'll probably never want children._ Reason number 1, why my life will be better without her. I suckled in a similar fashion as I imagined a newborn might in spite. Her breathing started to pick up, her pulse following in suit.

"Quit with the foreplay already," she meant it to be agitated, but it came out as a whine.

Reason 2, _Isuke doesn't know how to love, she'll never stop to savor your touch._

My fingers sank into her moving in a quickened pace, her forehead leaning onto my shoulder as I moved in, my teeth nipping at a pierced earlobe. I closed my eyes, _you could be anyone right now and it wouldn't make a difference,_ reason 3.

An arm moved around me, balling my shirt up, Isuke's hand moved to mine, guiding the direction of my curling knuckles. " _There_!" A sharp intake of air followed by a moan. It was music to my ears. She rocked her pelvis in time with me, her insides seizing against my fingertips. Her breathing becoming steadily more labored, she got louder, her gasps punctuated with ecstasy, " _Uh_! Almost."

She bit down on my shoulder to keep from yelling out as she came, her body stiffened, muscles quivering. I slowed down, letting her ride it out with near silent whimpers.

 _Everything about this is fucked_ , reason 4. I counted until she released me, chocking back the tears, suppressing them so she would never know they threatened me. Reason 5, _you'll never stop taking jobs to kill if this went anywhere, she's being groomed as a legacy assassin._ Reason 6, _all your money would go towards her shopping habits, there'd be nothing left to feed your family._ Reason 7, _she'd never be faithful in a relationship, you'd constantly be terrified she's in someone else's bed._ Reason 8, _you'd never come first, not to her money, or her parents, not to her self indulgence. Not once._ _ **You don't matter.**_

I stumbled back a step, withdrawing from her. I caught my balance by gripping a chair, playing it off, " _This is it._ " I murmured, "This is all you get now." The sickness from the previous night welled in my stomach, and apart from my pale face, I hid every trace of it.

"Clean up your mess will you." The steely stare landed on my sticky hand, I licked my fingers clean and as soon as I did, Isuke got to her feet, fixing her clothes, "Next time we should try a different atmosphere."

With that, she walked away.

 _This is all you get._ _ **I know**_ _._


	4. I Don't Know How To Fix It

**Isuke Inukai POV**

 _"Oh!"_ My body shuttered as I climaxed, and as always, Sagae let me ride the euphoria before retreating to clean up in the bathroom. It's been 6 months since I was expelled from the black class,  & this was our weekly ritual.

Haruki would meet me at the hotel, we'd split the pay for an hour, and she did all the work. _I haven't touched her at all. It should be easy for me to say I'm not guilty. But it isn't anymore._ There was no fighting or sleeping in the same bed. Haruki didn't even loosen her tie anymore. It kind of hurts. After five minutes, the bathroom door opened, she grabbed her bag, swinging it over her shoulder in a fluid motion. No goodbyes. Just… _nothing_.

"Next week I'll be in Tokyo, for Christmas." A nod was all I got before she walked out.

Then I cried, I cried until the front desk called signaling the end of an hour and hastily pulled myself together. _I haven't heard her voice in so long I hardly remember it_. The pain lingered in my chest like a leaden weight. _I promised myself that I didn't need anyone but mama and papa. When did I forget that?_ The sex was good, there wasn't a single time I hadn't orgasmed as opposed to the trouble everyone else seemed to have in bed with me.

It was just so distant. _I guess I thought that lying back then would make it last, but now…now I was never sure when the last time would be. But admitting to such a thing wouldn't help either. If I told her, she would certainly be angry. She'd leave. I didn't accept her, I just used her. This mess is my fault. I don't know how to fix it._

Haruki wasn't the first person to want more with me. But she is the first I that I regretted saying no to.

 _I miss the smiling, sarcastic candy lover._

 _Where did she go?_

Leaving, I kept my head down. _I lied._ I'm not going to Tokyo. I bought mama and papa vacation tickets. _They're in Fiji._ It would've only taken fifteen minutes to get home on the bus, _but it's too empty._ Instead I got off at a bar.

 _I'm drinking again._


	5. Sisters Can Be Saints

**Haruki Sagae POV**

"Haruki, dinner's ready!" I put on a smile as the younger kids rushed over to tell me about their day.

 _I want to know. They love their school, I work so hard to afford it._ It was exhausting. All of it was so, goddamn tiring. _I love them. But I just want to sleep._ The minutes felt like days until the little ones went to bed. I quietly closed the door to their room, retreating to the couch with a sigh of relief. My head hit something unexpected. I patted it, pretending to be oblivious.

"What is this horribly uncomfortable armrest?"

"Sis, you don't need to do that right now. It's just us."

I looked up at Fuyuka, "I don't know _what_ you're talking about."

She smacked my stomach trying to knock the wind out of me, but instead she winced in pain, "Do you have rocks in your gut!?"

I tried to keep a straight face, but lost it. _Finally, something genuine_. But as relaxed as it became with our laughter, my eyes filled with salt of their own accord. Fuyuka set her hand on my head in an attempt at comfort.

"Haruki, you've done enough for us. What is the last thing you did for yourself?"

 _The last thing I did for myself._ A sour expression must've formed. "You sound like her." The moment it slipped out, Fuyuka opened her mouth to question. Fuck!

" _Who.._?"

I shook my head. "I didn't mean to say that."

"Well, that's fine, but we need to do something about this. You're overexerting yourself." "Yuka, don't." "No, all you do is work and we notice when you fake it. The kids notice. Take a break. Go out. Have fun." "I don't have anyone to go out with." "You have _her_ , whoever she is."

I sat up, trying to hide the waterfalls. "You have no idea how screwed up we are together. _And I can't tell you_."

"What, do you think I'm an innocent little fledgling?"

I cleared my throat, drying my cheeks. "No. But you wouldn't look at me the same and you don't need that on you, you're still in high school."

"I'm going to break your alarm clock if you don't talk to me."

"If I lose my job, we will be broke again."

"No, _we won't_. Everyone who can work, is. We'll scrape by but, Haruki, you don't have to do everything. You need to have your own life too."

I threw up my hands in surrender. " _God_ , I'm sick of hearing that!" I sucked in a deep breath, "Fine. Well…turns out I'm gay!" Yuka nodded.

"We knew that."

" _I didn't_!" I guess they do know when I'm lying.

"You and guys never really work out, and you told me about when you were with that moron in junior high." Her smile faltered. "That was back when mom got sick."

I shuddered remembering my ex boyfriends. Sex with women is natural to me, I can flirt, tease, woo and I know their body, it isn't some alien form completely foreign to me. The first time, I was curious and pressured into sex by him, the second was to see if it was so awful because of the man or the gender. Turns out, the latter.

"Inukai is…the opposite of me. I mean, she loves her family, but they're rich and she's a selfish tsundere who steps over people to get what she wants." Fuyuka looked conflicted. "Hmm?"

She shrugged, "But how do you feel about her?"

"I don't know anymore. I want to make her happy. I think I could love her, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do when she acts like she hates me so goddamn much. She doesn't want a relationship, just sex so, I get her off, but I'm killing myself desiring more, but I don't know if she'll run if I try again."

"You need to call her and tell her that then."


	6. So, We're Done?

**Ringing** … _voicemail_. **Redial**. **Ringing** , **ringing** … " _Helloo_! You've interrupted my awful night and I feel like getting messed up so can you call back later?"

Her speech was slurred, loud music made everything sound crackly and hard to discern, but I made out the voices in the background, there were multiple men, the closest of which was whining, " _Isuke-sama,_ you're not paying any attention to me. You said you were down to party!" "Shut up!" it sounded less like a declaration and more like a single word, unsure of itself, " _Hellooooo_?"

I couldn't find the words I meant to convey. _I should've expected this_.

" _Stop it_!" Isuke laughed in way she normally never would've, but it was followed my a slightly more seriously tone, "Cut it out!"

" _No, why_? I thought we were going to my place." He was obviously sober at this point, trying to score.

I heard her groan uninterested, "Quit, I'm on the phone!" A few seconds pass, "Earth to caller! I'm going to hang up!"

 _I have to say something_. _She going to let him do whatever he wants. No, it has nothing to do with me, that's her own choice._ "Did you even realize who you're talking to?" I must've sounded incredulous.

" _Haru-Harukiii! I miss yooou_!"

I scoffed, " _Bullshit_. You're already hooking up! I don't even know why I bothered."

"You're angry?" "What do you think?" "I'm lonely, -ruki." Half of my name was garbled and cut off, " _Get off me,_ Hirojima!"

He regarded her shouts as a joke, there was a thud, some argument I couldn't understand before she came within range of the receiver again, I heard a door close before it got quieter. _She must've gone outside._ Sobbing made me sit up straighter, there was traffic in the background, wind, " _I think I fucked up_."

I didn't say anything, she inhaled sharply. "I really fucked up, but I'm _scared_ …I don't who I am, what I'm doing. I don't even know how to get home. I just wi-," she stopped midsentence, interrupted by her intoxication, sounds of retching echoed to my side of the conversation.

"Isuke, where are you?"

"I-I don't know. There's a lot of lights and clubs."

My frustration only increased as the call went on longer, but _fuck it._ "You're a real mess, you know that?" She's probably not far from home, her parent's beach villa, and if it's a club strip then that narrows things down. "Okay, stay where you are."

"Don't hang up! Please?" _Begging? Is she really begging right now?_

"Okay," I got up, pulling my boots on, phone tucked between my shoulder and ear. "I'm coming to get you."

I slunk through the house silently, grabbing the keys to the rarely driven family car. I could still hear her crying "I'm almost there."

We didn't talk until I parked in front of the club, _"I'm here_."

I spotted Isuke's hunched form on a bench not far from the entrance to a bar, her condition did terrify me. _She's stuck up, snobby, confident, she's supposed to spit acid not wallow in it._ Then I realized she wasn't on her side. _Wallowing in it? At this rate she'll drown in it._

I hung up our call, rushing over and moving her so she wouldn't choke if she puked again. Her make up was smeared by tears and sweat, her hair was a matted, I pushed it out of her face so she could see me kneeling next to her.

Isuke's shuddering once again turned to crying, but when I tried to dry her eyes with the pads of my thumbs, it got worse. "I'm going to take you home, okay?" She nodded, trying to gather her bearings, but I wasn't going to have her walk.

Instead, I picked her up, one arm around her, the other under her legs and I carried her to the passenger seat and pulled the seatbelt over her shoulder. I knew the general area where the Inukai villa was located, but not the exact address, Isuke pointed it out when we got close by. The driveway was empty, the lights out.

Putting the vehicle in park, I cleared my throat, " _You uh,_ you lied to me didn't you." She didn't meet my gaze, didn't respond, "That's fine then. But if you don't want to meet up anymore, you could do me a favor and just say it because maybe then I wouldn't be so fucking disgusted with myself."

It was a whisper, " _That's not why._ "

"Don't play with me, I'm not a toy. _We need to talk_ , but not when you're smashed."

"No, let's talk about it now."

"It's more of a I-talk-you-listen ordeal."

"We can do this inside."

I shook my head, "I'm not going in. This has gone on long enough _."_

"S-so," she stuttered, eyes widening. I couldn't tell if it was shock or fear. "That's just _it_? We're _done_..?"

I hit the steering wheel in anger, "Can't end something that never started!"

"Please, Haruki just stay-," I cut her off.

" _You don't have the right to ask that_! But you really want to know what the worst part is?" I paused, "The worst part is that I could've really loved you. _If you wanted me to_ , I could have loved you. I _wanted_ to be in love with you."

She was crying again, but I was too resentful to care. _"I don't know how to fix this_!" Her voice raised, hoarse.

I closed my eyes rubbing my temples before taking a deep breath. " _I don't think you can_." I looked into her watery eyes, they were still a beautiful honey color. _"I can't trust you_. You don't even see how much damage you've done. Do you realize what I have think about when you're around? Because I have to give myself reasons why my life is better without you, but still I can't get you out of my fucking head!"

Neither of us spoke for a minute until Isuke opened the car door, trying to dry her face, she put on a genuine smile, one she only ever made for her adoptive parents. There were no intentions or motives behind it. That's honestly what terrified me the most, the _one thing_ I wanted for all these months, I got in the bitter end.

I felt numb. To be more accurate, I felt empty. I should've been ecstatic, like a weight had finally been lifted, but I wasn't. _Maybe I was the only one in shock._

Then it faded completely. "Can we spend one last night together..?"

 _I want to die. I'm worth more dead than alive._

"Why?" I croaked.

"Because, _I could love you_ , but you'll never forgive me."

 _ **You're right**_ _. I know you're fucking right_. I shook my head _._ "I can't."

The car door closed, she stumbled to her house, managing to unlock it. I pulled out onto the road. _I need to get out of here._ I drove nowhere, finally falling apart on an overpass. I had to pull over. And before I knew it, I was turning around. I'd found my answer. _I'm not going to regret anything. I know what I'm meant to do, why I'm here. I'm going to make good on it, but I want to say goodbye._


	7. Do Things Right Next Time

I rang the doorbell. No answer. I rang again. After ten minutes I was losing my patience and just started banging the knocker until it opened, I didn't leave any time to process. I knew she was the only one here.

I grabbed her wrists, pushing us towards the wall while simultaneously kicking the door closed with my heel. My tongue forced its way into her mouth, exploring as much as her resistance allowed. Isuke fought me with everything she could, but I had a lot more arm strength. _Then I wanted to see her face._

I broke it off, her chest was heaving, but she stopped trying to get away.

"You broke the rules…" Isuke whispered. I could taste mint toothpaste. She'd changed into a tank top and black panties.

" _Forget the rules,_ tonight I'm yours, and tomorrow you'll forget all about me." I didn't let her ask why.

For once, we weren't lustful. I cupped her cheek, brushing my mouth against hers softly, sucking on her bottom lip, trying to make every minute last.

It said, _this is the last night. This is all I have. I may not be completely head over heels for you, but I want to be, I want you to experience sex with someone who has feelings for you. I want you to make it a standard, even if it's your only standard._

My arms wrapped around her tightly, inhaling her scent. _I'm taking this with me_. When I let go, her hand took mine, leading me up the stairs to her room.

It had a canopy bed, stark white sheets, crisp purple pillowcases to match a heavy magenta blanket. The closet was a walk-in, the door ajar, lights off. She didn't have a desk, but she did have a beauty stand with an embellished mirror, the whole top covered by palettes of eyeshadow, brushes, and nail care products. There was a full bathroom attached, the tub half filled.

Inukai sat on the edge of her mattress, still grasping my hand, as if afraid I'd run away or disappear. _I'm sorry, but I'm going to disappoint._

I loomed over her, close enough that our noses were touching, her warm breath ghosting my skin. This time she closed the distance, not in a hurry, her arms hung loosely around my neck as I moved to kiss her jaw, nipping her earlobe earning a giggle, and despite it not being a new action from me, it was a sound she had never made before.

 _I want to be a part of all the dusty facets you've locked away._

Coming back to her lips, a grin overtook me, a few strands of my dark red locks fell between us and she swept it behind my ear as I moved to her neck. I felt her heart pulsing through her artery, the very one I'm sure we'd both used to kill, but it wasn't pounding in a desperate flurry. There was no adrenaline being released. Our guards were down, and our only thoughts were on each other.

 _How do I tell her everything without the words?_

 _That I want to memorize every inch of her being._

I followed the throbbing vessel down to her fragile collarbone where I took my time because every touch I made drew out a reaction. It must've been a sensitive spot, the whimpers she made were addicting, she would've been content to allow my onslaught, her fingers running through my hair.

Her top was too short at the bottom, leaving the area just beneath her belly button exposed. It was too tempting, I wanted to peck every bit. The first time landed right above her underwear a small gasp told me all I needed to know and the next one was placed slightly further up.

Isuke's hands tugged off my flannel and I let it fall to the floor, her fingers hesitating by the hem of my muscle shirt. "Can I t-touch you?"

I heard the murmured question and it seemed like a no brainer, but then I realized that she was scared into reluctance. It shoved me back into the beginning of our hotel visits, Isuke accidently ventured beneath my blouse collar and I stopped everything.

 _I'm such an idiot for getting involved. But right now wouldn't be happening had I not._

My answer came when I pulled it off entirely, placing her palm to my side. Her nails traced my muscles, catching on the light definition just enough to coax my hairs on end. I lifted her chin into a more sensual kiss, and instead of a battle for control, it was more of a tranquil massage that moved things forward.

I groaned as she seemed to sit up, coaxing me into changing positions, my back sank into the cotton as her leg swung over, her hips cradling me. My hands rubbed the soft skin beneath her top, tracing her spine and serving as my restraints so I wouldn't go to fast, she started grinding her hips into me making me hyperaware of the progressing tingle between my legs.

My plain black bra snapped open in the front, and Isuke didn't hesitate to touch the exposed flesh. I lifted her tank top over her head, discarding it in favor of pulling her closer, she focused on unbuttoning my worn out jeans, helping me kick out of them, my briefs going along with them. I supported her weight while she adjusted herself enough to remove that last barrier between us, I couldn't help but stare.

"What?"

"You're dazzling. I didn't know what to do with that thought for the longest time." "Do you now?" "Mhm." I caressed her bare thighs as she leaned in to kiss me again.

 _I want you to know. I want you to accept yourself. You need to understand how much you matter. Don't follow me when I'm gone, oh god-_ _ **never**_ _try to follow me._

"I finally got you to smile. If I died, I wouldn't want to change a thing." My fingertips recognized the familiar wetness as I started making small, drawn out strokes. "I only ever saw that expression when you were calling home."

I reveled in the way she clung to me instead of the bedsheets. We'd done this before. But it was the first time Isuke could discover my body. I knew some of hers, but for her, I was uncharted territory. I don't think I've ever been able to laugh so freely, especially in bed. Suddenly, it didn't seem so outlandish anymore.

 _Do things right next time, Inukai._ _ **There will be a next time**_ _; just with someone else. Someone who won't abandon you, someone you learn to open up to._


End file.
